Things don't always have to make sense to be beautiful. If it works for you then it works for you, everyone cant and wont always make sense of it,don't make it less effective. 
We always feel pressured to be exactly what people want us to be, thinking people's expectation means perfection, but we sadly end up being dissatisfied at every turn either with our current regimented life or our initial intended life we didn't live

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We are all work in progress, things usually get ugly before they get beautiful. Identify your weakness, appreciate your sincerity, enjoy the process of building you.
 A building is as strong as its foundation, focus on it and see how strong you eventually will get when you are couple of floors up in the sky and realise how far you have come.
Never think you spending too much in self-development (foundation), besides who and what should you spend much time and resources on,if not YOU.
Life is like a building under construction,  the quality and time spent on completion solely dependents on you...THE BOSS.